Pastor Brian Haller submitted this shocking report to his Swanton, Ohio church newsletter:
Parish Council tackles Illegal Immigration Problem
A recent surprise sweep of Sunday morning worshippers uncovered many undocumented aliens from other denominations right inside our church! Many of them entered as visitors and simply stayed, but several Presbyterians snuck in the back door during the exchange of Peace. Three Episcopalians have obtained Thrivent insurance!
Two Ushers were actually Baptists who were performing jobs that could be filled by real Lutherans, and there was an entire pew of Pentecostals who could only speak in tongues and did not know a word of Lutheran. Four undocumented Roman Catholics were discovered when they yelled “BINGO” in response to “The Lord be with You”.
Concerned that there might not be enough grace to go around, the Parish Council has decided to offer an amnesty program for illegal and undocumented visitors from other denominations. They have until August 1st to pick up a box of offering envelopes.
I think I need to get on Pastor Haller’s newsletter mailing list. (“Hat tip” to my mother. And special thanks to Pastor Haller for permission to reprint!)