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Bushbots by the Bay

January 12, 2006
by

Grab your cell phone cameras! There’s another Bushbot in San Francisco!

The Bushbot technology is really advancing, thanks to Ken Mehlman and his crack team of programmers. Sometimes a Bushbot sounds almost natural, and only a highly trained ear can distinguish the difference between the Bushbot and an actual human practicing independent thought. For instance, the text of this editorial contains many conversational phrases designed to make the programmed content flow more naturally. You need special equipment to filter out the RNC talking points, but I can do that for you here:

Sept. 11, Sept. 11, Sept. 11, Clinton did it too, FISA crippled the FBI and Able Danger, the leak is worse than the lawbreaking, the Valerie Plame leak is still unproven, Bushbashing Bushhaters endanger America, Sept. 11, Sept. 11, Sept. 11.

See? Embedded in that 1253 word column is the same standard code that you’ve been hearing for the last four or five years. I’ve just saved you a lot of time.

Bushbots are activated by a signal outside the normal human auditory range. It’s issued from time to time by Karl Rove or his android, Mehlman. Since normal humans cannot hear it, we have to study artifacts: for example, the coordinated publication of multiple identical editorials in newspapers around the country, or the same-day appearances of exceedingly life-like Bushbots uttering identical talking points on weekend news programs such as Meet the Press, This Week, and Chris Matthews. It’s difficult for scientists working with small budgets to study the phenomenon; they need more technical resources.

I wonder if the presence of just one Bushbot in SF is enough to keep Bill O’Reilly from smiting the city? Probably not. Bushbots are indestructible. They will motor forth from the smoldering ruins of SF to converge in Richard Pombo’s district and await further instruction. Of course, Richard Pombo will be a little busy.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Duff permalink
    January 12, 2006 9:44 pm

    How’s this for a post-9-11 view of the world:

    Spend $250 billion on developing sustainable energy sources and re-tooling the U.S. economy to accomodate the new technology. This (1) extricates us from the Middle East; (2) sets us up as the world economic leader on energy which (3) engenders grateful responses from every non-Middle Eastern country in the world because they too could then extricate themselves from the Middle East; (4) due to our leadership in alternative energy development our economy grows in leaps and bounds while everyone else in the developed and developing world buys the technology from us improving our general welfare in a huge way; (5) by removing middle eastern governments’ ability to rely on oil for their wealth, engenders actual change in middle eastern governance and economy, thus bringing middle eastern culture more in line with the rest of the world.

    Heck, this liberal dem would even be willing to open ANWR to drilling if it were only part of a stop-gap included in this overall (and intellectually honest) plan.

    Surely if we can afford the war in Iraq, we can afford this.

  2. Duff permalink
    January 12, 2006 9:47 pm

    Oh, and did I mention that getting a warrant just isn’t that hard. Come on people, this isn’t rocket science, and it isn’t a dictatorship . . . yet.

    Can I get an amen from the choir?

  3. MizM permalink
    January 13, 2006 12:39 am

    YOU run for Congress and I’ll leaflet the BART station! (After we fight a bit over ANWR…)

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